Hi, my name is Dave. I am the IT guy at the Banned Library. These are the things I can't do anymore to either the computers, the patrons, the library staff, or the library in general.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
18. "The Flux Capacitor Needs Plutonium" is not a valid computer error code.
My love of Back to the Future has no bounds.
Friday, October 7, 2011
17. Not allowed to user ID10-T, PEBCAK, Or PICNIC forms as official correspondence
Definitions:
ID10-T: idiot
PEBCAK: Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
PICNIC: Problem In Chair, Not In Computer
ID10-T: idiot
PEBCAK: Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
PICNIC: Problem In Chair, Not In Computer
Thursday, October 6, 2011
16. Nothing bad happens if I set the RSS feed for after midnight.
I was trying to make a joke about the movie Gremlins when things took a dark turn.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
15. I am not allowed to say "Nom-Nom" when someone mentions cannibalizing computers.
Some people just can't take a little "eatin people" joke between friends.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
14. The Friends of the Library are not "sugar mommas."
No matter how many computers and furniture they buy for the labs...
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
12. I cannot hold staff meetings in World of Warcraft, no matter how much I need lootz.
Also, WoW is not a "team building exercise."
Thursday, September 29, 2011
11. If a computer is smoking, I am not to recommend that it use the patch.
A small computer fire after an electrical problem was taken far too seriously.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
10. Not allowed to yell "The power of Christ compels you" when restarting computers.
Even if some of these computers are possessed by an unholy evil. Or used by them.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
9. Cannot start a flame war with Fire Department website.
Those fire jockeys have their day coming. Plus, I just thought it was funny.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
8. We discard old computers, we do not "go all Gallagher" on them
This was mostly wishful thinking that a patron misheard.
Friday, September 23, 2011
7. Broken links cannot be fixed with super glue.
Another technology snark that I throughout that ended with a laptop screen being glued to a keyboard.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
6. Female patrons and staff do not have to blow on Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.
I was joking with another good-natured librarian about this when a patron over heard us and complained.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
5. Google's new browser after 'Chrome' is not 'Spinners'
A patron asked what I thought Google's next move would be to take over the world. I told him I did not know but that I had a few ideas about their new product.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
4. I am not allowed to set passwords that may or may not summon "The Elder Gods"
Have you seen some of the words Lovecraft used in those stories? They make for perfect nonsense passwords.
Monday, September 19, 2011
3. "Talk Like a Pirate Day" does not include sharing torrent files.
Piracy is a serious problem for American film and music stars. Remember, the next time you download something from the Internet, Metallica might die.
2. Vicks Vapor Rub is not adequate virus protection.
So I smeared some cream on a computer? I did not know it was a crime.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
1. My best HAL 9000 Impression
The other day, one of the librarians asked me what was wrong with her computer. I looked at the sad machine displaying the BSOD and began singing "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer dooooo" while getting slower and slower. He was not happy, although I thought the impression of HAL 9000 was spot on.
Meet Dave
Hi, my name is Dave. I am the IT guy at the Banned Library. These are the things I can't do anymore to either the computers, the patrons, the library staff, or the library in general. Enjoy!
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